oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize
