well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
