I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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