and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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