SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
