I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
