moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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