Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
