Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
