Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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