Whod you bang
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
