Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
