i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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