Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
