I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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