I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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