mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
