Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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