i think my mom watched the whole time
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
