For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
