Define "chronic" masturbator.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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