I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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