Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
