rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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