the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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