One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
