I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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