Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Drake has all the answers
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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