we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
