in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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