I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
