ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Nicole vs. Life
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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