ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
