More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
