My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
