No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Acid is not a monday night drug
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
