He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
