I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
