i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
