3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
