"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
