I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
