you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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