Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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