I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
