I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
