Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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