I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
