I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
