Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
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my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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