perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
