Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
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Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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