toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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