My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
