Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
