Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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