she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
