god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
