You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
