There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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