he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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