Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
