she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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