The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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