Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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