i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
