So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
