Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
