I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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