On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
