I have demons in me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
