So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
