We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
