u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
