I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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