i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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