Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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