She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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