oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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