u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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