This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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