have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
