dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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