I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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